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Yes, suicide is preventable— a survivor’s testimony

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A resettled Bhutanese walks us through why he thinks suicide is preventable based on his experience of having gone through suicidal thoughts in recent past.

Not quite long ago, whenever I heard about suicides, I used to question myself—why the hell people take their own lives? And my resolution– at least, I would never take my own life.

Contrary to my resolution in theory, it took me only three months, unknowingly, to cultivate ‘suicidal thoughts’ in the recent past. Fortunately, I managed to liberate myself from such thoughts on time; therefore, you are reading this message today directly from me on ‘why I think suicide can be prevented.’

Of late, I was undergoing a very strained relationship with my girl, whom I had loved more than myself. I do not like to dig deep into our relationship issues for I think it does not mean anything to you.

Things became worse to me once we started living separate. This is when I became too frustrated. At times, I felt lonely and depressed. I felt badly betrayed. I dropped my studies. I lost my job. I kept struggling to live my normal life. I did not share this to anyone. When my family members happened to check on me, I pretended everything going fine.

The level of frustration kept rising. I gradually started withdrawing from social life. I preferred to remain out of contact. I began to think that there was no one ready to support or care me. I felt irritated to talk to people, even with family members.

BNS Suicide PosterOne time, one of my relatives needed help with a ride for an appointment to a doctor’s office. Although I knew this was an important appointment, I avoided it. I pretended that I had class at the same time of his appointment. I was so frustrated that I felt I lost all hopes and energy to continue my life.It was probably 15th or 16th of Nov. 2013, I was traveling out of town (east coast, United States) and heading home. I had already driven for about six hours. In few hours I would reach home. It was around 2:30 in the afternoon; I was passing through a forest area on the highway driving 60 miles/hour.

The outside panorama of the natural beauty was often drawing my attention away. But it did not heal the trauma I was going through. Momentarily, I had a suicidal thought. It kept me bothering. I wanted to end my life (anyway) as I get home. I thought the only solution to the turmoil I was facing was to take my own life.

I finally got home in the evening. I thought I might feel relaxed and it might reduce my stress level if I consume alcohol. I drove to a nearby Sunoco gas station and bought some beers. This was the first time I was consuming alcohol.

I completed a can of beer. When I sat on my computer and started chatting with some friends via social networking sites, it struck me — what I was planning to do shortly afterwards—end my own life—was not worth it. I thought I needed help.

This is when I decided to talk to friends and relatives about what I was going through. As many people as I talked to that night, they all had one opinion in common— this beautiful life is sometimes challenging but you should take courage and move forward.

It struck the chord. It touched me deep.

I then thought that I would leave behind a pool of sorrows, possibly relentless pain and cloud of mysterious unanswered questions, to my entire family if I take my life. I recalled my college days and realize that I actually have a sharp brain that had made many impossible things possible in the past.

I went to bed that night and as I woke up the following morning, I felt more relaxed. I felt that half of my stress and frustrations had sublimated.

I promised to reinforce my normal life. I promised that I would continue to talk to friends and relatives. I am actually doing this more often these days than ever before.

Now I am back to my normal life. I do not drink alcohol, as I now strongly feel that it is not a remedy to a problem. I will be getting back to college soon. I am looking for a job as you read this testimony. I love my family and friends, as I now feel that I was on the wrong side, simply blaming them for my failure to cope with a minor adversity in my life.

When I look back, sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I regret for my decision to take my own life. The very cause that disturbed me was finally mitigated easily on my own initiation, and with inspirations from others.

Now, I am resolved to move forward in my life only with positive attitude towards life events. Suicide, therefore, is not a solution. If you have a problem, speak up, people.

The author, who intended to remain anonymous, is a young adult resettled Bhutanese refugee in the United States. 

4 COMMENTS

  1. committing suicide emerges from suicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts emerge out of negative thoughts about life: feeling and seeing everything bad around you, inability to see brighter side of life no matter what happens, having a negative attitude to everything going around you: family, personal, career, money, etc. And such negative thoughts emerge out of lack of spiritual and philosophical awareness that comes through association with positive minded people and through reading, reading and reading good books, plus a spiritual master that you can role model after him/her..You cannot take revenge on anybody by committing suicide, no second chance after you die, life has many sweet things to offer you if you wait for your turn, and remember there is always darkness before day breaks!!

  2. आत्मा हत्या – संसारकै सबै भन्दा ठुलो अपराध अनि पाप हो !
    पहिलो कुरा त् मर्नु /मार्नु दुवै संसारको सबै भन्दा ठुलो अपराध अनि पाप हो ! अर्को कुरा, आत्मा हत्या समस्याको समाधान होइन न त् यो अन्जाम न परिणाम नै हो ! प्रमुख कुरा त् यो अपराध गर्नु नै ठुलो बदनामी हुनु हो ! दोस्रो कुरा, आत्मा हत्या गर्नेलाई न फाइदानै हुन्छ न त् कसैलाई असर्नै पर्छ ! किन कि प्रथम त् उ आफैलाई मारेको अपराधी ठहरिन्छ र यस अपराधको पाप मरे पछि पनि घृणाको रुपमा सदैब रहिरहन्छ ! अरुले नाम समेत लिन नचाहने घृणित रहन्छ ! मान्छेले त् कुरै छाडी दिउ घर पाल्तु कुकू समेतले येस्तो कुकर्म गर्नेलाई तस्करलाई झैँ मनपराउदैनान् किन कि आफुलाई माया नगर्ने क्रुर व्यक्तिले अरुको माया गर्न सक्दैन !

    मलाई लाग्छ, माथि लेखेको कुराहरु नबुज्नाले बुद्धु / संकोचित / चेतना नभएको लाजस्पत बेसरम – लाचार मान्छेले मात्र समस्याको नाममा (समस्या जीवनको अभिन्न अंग भन्ने कुरा नाबुजी ) , स्वार्थी भएर समस्य संग लड्नु को सट्टा कातार भै आत्मा हत्या गर्दछन् !

    अर्को, सबैले बुज्नु पर्ने कुरा ; “जीवन” जीवन बन्दैन जहिले सम्म समस्या भन्ने कुरा जीवनमा हुदैन अनि समस्यको बिनाको जीवन पनि हुन सक्दैन ! फेरी सधै समस्या एक नास हुदैन ! समस्या पछिको अर्को पाहिला हो समादन ! दु:ख पछि सुख आउछ ! सुख पायो भनेर दुख गर्न छाडीदियोउ भने फेरि सुख पछि दुख अवस्य आउछ !
    सु:ख – दु:ख , समस्य – समदन, तल – माथि, एक्लो – सामुहिक, हासो- रोदन , भन्ने कुराहरु जीवनमा कहिले नहट्ने जीवन यात्राका पलहरु हुन् ! यसलाई सबैले स्वीकार्नुको विकल्प छैन ! जीवन एक बर पाइन्छ – बारम बार पहिदैन ! येही सत्य हो ! त्यसैले गर्दा सबै कुराहरुको अनुभूति गर्दै, नअताली जसरि जीवन अघि बढ्छ / चल्छ त्यसैको मज्जा लिदै अघि बढ्नु पर्छ ! ” सु:खमा मतिनु हुदैन – दु:खमा आतिनु हुदैन ” येही जीवनको जिउने तरिका हो किन कि जीवन सुख+दु:ख को मेलले निर्मित बनेको हुन्छ !

    एउटा बुज्ने पर्ने कुरा के हो भने ” जीवन परिवर्तनसिल हुन्छ ” , सबै मानब जाति परिवर्तन चाहन्छ ” र ” परिवर्तन जीवनको विकल्प हो ” ब्रमंडिया शक्ति र सत्य बाहेक अरु जुनसुकै कुरा परिवर्तन हुन सक्छ ! यसमा पनि मानबता भने कहिले बिर्सनु हुदैन ! – ” आफु बाचोउ अनि अरुलाई पनि बचाऊ ” !

    ” बाचे आस हुन्छ – मरे / मारे बिनास मात्र हुन्छ ! त्यासको कुनै अर्थ हुदैन, मान्यता हुदैन , मूल्य हुदैन ! ”
    समस्यबाट मुक्त हुने उपायहरु: –
    १. समस्यको जड (मूल कारण ) बुज्ने !
    २. समस्यको जड बजे पछि त्यसको समादन गर्ने उपायहरु खोज्ने , स्रोतहरु पत्ता लगाउने !
    ३. आफुले सकुन जेल प्रयास गर्ने र नसकेको खण्डमा अरुको सहयोग लिने !
    ४. एक ठाउँबाट भएन भने अर्को ठाउँ पत्ता लगाउने !
    ५. धैरियता अपौने !
    ६. उचित समय पर्खने ! – कुनै -कुनै बेला समस्याको समाधान त्यहि बेला नहुने, समय लाग्ने र सहि समय पर्खनु पर्ने भएकोले सहि समय पर्खनु उचित हुन्छ !
    ७. सरम नमान्ने ! – सहि व्यक्तिबाट सल्लाहा लिने वा समुहमा छलफल गर्न सकिन्छ भने सल्लाहा लिने !
    ८. मनको कुरा मनमै नराख्ने ! सहि व्यक्ति र समय हेरेर ब्यक्त गर्ने !
    ९. आफुले आफुलाई सानो वा कम्जोर नसम्झिने ! ( कारण , यो संसारमा कोहि पनि सानो- ठुलो छैन! केवल छ त् ढिलो-छिटो , अघि- पछि ! आखिर हामी मानब ह्वो ! मानवले गर्न सक्ने कुरा मानवले गर्न सक्दछ यदि मेहेनत र सहि बाटो वा तरिका अपनाउने हो भने ! )
    १०. आफुले सुरु गरेको सकारात्मक कदमलाई द्रिड भै निरन्तरता दिने र सफलता हासिल नगरिन्जेल धैरिया पुर्बक सतकर्म गर्दै अघि बढ्ने !
    ११. सफलता हासिल गर्ने अनि झुक्किएर पनि नामात्तिने !
    १२. कुनै पनि कर्म गर्दा हतोसाहित र अतिनै उत्साहित नहुने !
    १३. उचित कर्म सहि समयमा सहि कर्म गर्नबाट कहिले पछि नहटनाले जीवन इस्तिर बन्दछ !
    १४. सकारात्मक सोचको विकास गरि जीवनको सत्यतालाई बुज्नाले सारा समस्याको उचित रुपमा समाधान हुनेछ !
    १५. जति सोच्नु पर्ने हो त्यति मात्र सोच्नाले र सोच्ने तरिका सकारात्मक बनौनाले सकारात्मक फल मिल्दछ !
    १६. आफु असल मानब हु भनि स्विकारी असल कम गर्नाले !
    १७. बनि / आचरण सुदरनाले, विश्वास गरा गर गर्नाले !
    १८. धर्मित, संस्कृतिक , खेल कुद र अन्य कार्यक्रमहरुमा सहभागी हुने !

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